


The Real Me

by Sunny11



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Hogwarts Eighth Year, M/M, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 05:22:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17861105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunny11/pseuds/Sunny11
Summary: After the war Draco returned to Hogwarts to get a bit of continuity in his life and leave the manor and his involvement with Voldemort behind.He, however, stays out of everything that involves being with other people and spends most of his free time in his room with a looked door and alone with his thoughts.Until he has no other choice than to leave his comfort zone and actually attend an event.





	The Real Me

It is always noisy during lunch in the Great Hall. Every student has something to say to friends, table neighbours or members of other houses.  
But there is one student, and one student only, that wishes to turn invisible each and every time he enters the Great Hall. Draco Malfoy spends the meals at the end of the Slytherin table near the doors, far away from other Slytherins and always ready to jump up and leave the Hall as fast as possible. He doesn´t look up from his plate and rarely eats what causes that his features look even pointier than before. 

On the other side of the Great Hall a dark haired boy is sitting together with his two best friends, a tall redhead and a girl with bushy hair. But in contrast to Draco, Harry seems to actually be alive. He talks with his friends, even those who sit halfway up the table and his smile is as genuine than ever.  
Although Harry absolutely hates all the attention he´s getting and wont sign anything, he does take his time to speak to those who ask for help with panic attacks and anxiety after the war. 

When the three Gryffindor leave Draco risks a look at them. He sees Ron and Hermione walking out the door hand in hand with Harry following them silently and with a bit of distance between them.

_He seems so out of place here. He could be in Auror training, in the Ministry or basically anywhere else since he got job offers all over britain. Yet he came back to school where his is thirdwheeling his best friends. Why should the saviour do this to himself?_

Without knowing Draco mirrored Harry´s thoughts perfectly. The chosen one himself doesn´t know why he returned to Hogwarts. He doesn´t have real interest in attending any classes and spends most of his time wlaking around the Lake or flying over the school grounds. 

After his last classes Draco is on his way back to the dungeons when he crosses the open doors and decides to take a walk in the upcoming storm. The sky is already a dark grey and it looks like it will rain in any second know.  
He loves not only snow but also rain and especially how the earth smells afterwards, like everything bad is washed away and the air is fresh again.  
He made half the way towards the lake when the first raindrops fell. Moments later it´s raining heavily and Draco´s hair, his robes and even his socks in his shoes are soaking wet. He speeds up his pace and only stops at the tree on the lake´s shore from where the forest and the castle can be seen.  
He sits down with his back at the tree´s trunk and watches the rain fall down at the lake where it leaves rings on the water´s surface. While he follows the raindrops with his eyes he gets lost in his thoughts and only realises he´s not alone when Harry sits down a bit away from him, silently watching the rain as well and playing with his shoelaces. His hair, still a mess, is as wet at Draco´s, with water dripping down on his shoulder.

"What´re you doing out here? It´s raining like hell." Draco says without taking his gaze from the lake.

"I could ask you the same thing but since you probably wont answer I thought it would be better to be quiet." Harry answers.

"First time your thoughts were right then." 

Harry smiles slightly down at his hands.

"You can go now. I want to be alone." Draco´s voice sounds hoarse.

"But you´re alwys alone. You can´t really want that. Nobody wants to be alone for so long."

"What makes you think I´m always alone?"

"You sit alone during meals, you sit alone in class, you disappear after class and meals. And also there are only three Slytherins in eighth year and Pansy and Blaise are together all the time,you however, are nowhere to be seen." Harry looks at Draco who has his head still turned towards the lake.

"So you´re stalking me." The blond says.

"I´m not... I just noticed." 

"But you can´t notice if you don´t watch. So how long has you been watching me?"

Harry doesn´t answer.

"Anyway, to answer your question: Unlike you, I don´t like to be the third wheel." 

"I´m not the third wheel. Hermione and Ron are my friends." Harry tries to defend himself.

"They´re a couple, don´t you think they want to be alone sometimes?" 

"They are alone, do you think I never give them space to do... whatever they´re doing?" 

"I don´t know because unlike you I don´t stalk you." 

This time Harry doesn´t answer. When the silence isn´t interrupted by a comment Draco turns his head and looks at Harry. His hair stickling to his forehead and his eyes as grey as the sky.

"Ok fine. I´ll leave you alone to... do whatever you want." He gets up and leaves towards the castle.

_Did I just made Harry Potter, the chosen one, the saviour, confess that he stalks me? And why the hell does he even think about what I do?_

Draco gets lost in his thoughts again and returns to his dorm only when the sun is gone and it starts to become cold again.  
He doesn´t attend dinner this day and stays in his locked room where he pretends to do his homework. His thoughts however circle around this one question:

**Why should Harry Potter be interested in my life, my thoughts and my behaviour?"**

Meanwhile is Harry sitting in the Gryffindor common room on a cozy chair near the fire brooding over his conversation with Draco. 

_I shouldn´t have sit next to him. I just wanted to be nice but obvisiouly he just wants to be alone. But leave it and carry on? Never. I need to think about something. I need to do something, to make him come out of the dark corner he is in._

Three days later Harry managed to organize a party for all seven and eight year students in the room of requirement. He made sure nobody told the blond Slytherin boy.   
When Harry arrives in the Great Hall for lunch the next friday he approached Draco at the Slytherin table and sits down across from him and starts to fill a cup with pumpkin juice and waits until the Slytherin looks up to him.

"There is a party tomorrow evening and every seven and eitght year student will be there. Will you come as well?" He gives the blond a smile and waits for a reaction.

"Why should anybody be happy with me coming to that party?" 

"Well, I would be happy if you would be there. Please, it´s just a party and you really need to come out of your comfort zone. Besides, you´d be the only one who isn´t there. You haveto be there. Who knows if we will ever come together in this round again." 

"Seems like I don´t have a choice." Draco rolls his eyes and looks down at his plate again, where he pushes the food around with his fork. Harry gets up and leaves to sit with Ron and Hermione. 

**_Party night, next Saturday_ **

"Do you really think he´ll show up? I mean he basically never left his room since school started." Hermione sceptically furrows her brows.

"He will come. I made Pansy promise to drag him out of his dorm if it´s necessary. " Harry smiles and takes a sip from his butterbeer. Nearly everyone was already there just the three Slytherins, Blaise, Pansy and Draco, next to a handful of Ravenclaws. Half a butterbeer later an annyoed frowning Blaise and a eye rolling Pansy arrive at the party dragging a cursing Draco behind them. The walk straight towards Harry.

"Draco is here, like I´ve promised. He´s your problem now." Pansy shoves Draco in Harry´s direction and wakls over to the bar with Blaise to get something to drink.

"I´m here. Are you happy now?" Draco wants to know.

"Kind of. Do you want to drink something?" Draco nods and Harry places a butterbeer in his hand. Afterwards Harry leaves the blond behind and takes a look around to say hi to other people. Around twenty minutes and one and a half butterbeer later for Draco, Seamus yells through the crowd:

"Get yourself a drink and we´ll play truth or dare." 

Nearly all eighth years and a couple of seventh years settle on the big and comfy sofas around a table where someone already placed an empty butterbeer bottle and some snacks.

"Does everybody know how it works?" Seamus asks and most players nod. Only Draco and a seventh year shake their heads.

"Ok so a person spins the bottle and asks the person who the bottle is pointing at in the end wether they wanna be dared to do something or if they will truthfully answer a question. If theres´s a question you don´t want to answer or a dare you don´t want to do you have to drink. So who wants to first spin the bottle?" 

Luna starts and the game kicks off. An hour later Only Harry, Neville, Ginny, Luna, Seamus, Dean, Pansy, Blaise and Draco are left and all of them are quite drunk.

"It´r my turn." Draco says and struggles to get the bottle to spin properly. When it does they all stare it it waiting who has to answer his question. It points at Harry. 

"OK Harry. Truth or Dare?" Draco looks at him.

"Oh fuck it. Truth." Harry slurs.

"How does it feel to be the fucking saviour of our world, to be loved by everyone, to get job offers you don´t even want and to do whatever the fuk you want without getting into any real trouble?" 

Draco stars at Harry without covering up the hate, the jealousy and the pain he has kept inside for so long and it feels fantastic to just let those negative feelings out instead of pulling them in and covering them up to keep a blanc and emotionless face. And Harry stares back. Surprise and fear in his eyes.

"Well what do you THINK it feels like?" He shots back.

"Must be bloody perfect."

"Actually it´s horrible. All the people are grateful for hwat I´ve done but it´s basically nothing. I´d never done any of that if there weren´t people helping me. Besides that Dumbledore used me like a fucking piece of chess and manipulated me into doing things like he wanted them to be done. But the worst part is that all those people... died for me. There are children out there without parents, Teddy is one of them. And I feel bad about it. Every day and when some kid or whoever comes up and thanks me for my actions I just can´t be happy. Is that what you wanted to hear? How miserable I feel and how fucked up my head is?" He sheds a tear or two during his answer and looks Draco straight in the eyes. 

"Yeah that´s what I, what everyone wanted to hear. To hear that the fucking saviour is just as fucked up as everyone else."

"Fine . It's my turn then." Harry says and spins the bottle. Funny enough it lands on Draco.

"Don't bother to ask. I take truth." The blond says.

"How was it,shading a home with Voldemort?" Harry's gaze is clearer now and totally focused on every little reaction Draco might show.

To everybody's surprise Draco actually answers the question instead of taking a sip of Firewhiskey.  
"Depressing. Everything was cold and the Death Eaters were everywhere. My mother wanted to keep me out of it so I stayed in my room the whole time I spend home. But one day when I was out in the garden to get some fresh Air he saw me. It was shortly before sixth year started and that's when I joined them."

Sharp inhales can be heard.

"I never actually wanted to join then you know. I never wanted to go back after fourth year but I couldn't leave my mother alone with them. So I did what he wanted. I woke up every day with the fear that one of them hurt my mother and even now I have anxiety attacks and trust issues and depression. It wasn't fun if you want to know. And I'm happy you have won and I'm sorry that I went to my parents that day. I just needed go make sure my mother was safe. I'm sorry."  
Draco gets quieter towards the end until there's nothing more to hear. All the others seem to have stopped breathing until Dean breaks the silence.

"I'm sorry for what you have been through. You carry just as much weight on our shoulders as we all do. Maybe even more. And maybe you're not such a stuck up asshole like I thought most of the time."

"Thanks Dean. You're not as bad yourself." Draco answers and give him a little smile.   
They sit in silence for a while. Thinking about what happened before first Ginny and Luna and then all the others leave until DrCo and Harry are the only ones left.

"I'm sorry what I did to you in that bathroom in sixth year. Sometimes I react too impulsive and without thinking a out what might be caused by my actions. Can you forgive me?"Harry looks at him. Vulnerable and honest and there's no sign of hate or even dislike go be found.

"if you can forgive me what I've done to you my answer will be yes." Draco gives a small and honest smile that Harry had never seen on the blonds face before

"Friends?" Harry asks then still focused on that cute,little smile.

"Ok friends." Draco smiles brightly now raising his Firewhiskey and toasting towards Harry before he continues:   
"But there is one thing I need to do and I need you to promise me that you'll not think less of me."

"I promise." Harry says and chuckles.  
Draco puts down his cup and looks Harry in the eyes before he lowers his gaze and stares at his hands whole he takes a few deep breaths. When he looks back at Harry he can see that the dark haired boy us rather confused by his actions and waits for something to happen. Draco takes a last breath before he moves towards Harry and places a hand on his cheek what causes even more confusion in Harry. A last look, a last shaky breath and Draco leans in to softly, carefully but desperately kiss Harry.

For everybody who could have walked into the room it would look like two totally drunk teenagers sit on the floor and sloppily kiss each other but for the both of them it was wonderful yet unexpected and new. It will be the beginning of a complicated but wonderful relationship that seems to be more fighting than everything else to other people. Only for somebody who watched them grow up during their time at Hogwarts could tell that the insults said with hate and anger from the past turned into jokingly told insiders between them and are sign of how they work thing out and handle their past.


End file.
